Friday, March 11, 2005

Nick Coleman - Weirdo

Nick Coleman is weird. I know. Big surprise. But there is a noteworthy new development in his ongoing weirditude.

The guy has been paranoid for ages. We know this. Bankers are out to get him, just like they tried to get Jimmy Stewart in It’s a Wonderful Life. He constantly worries that someone somewhere thinks he’s somebody’s “monkey.” And of course the entire blogosphere – backed no doubt by mysterious Republican fat-cats – is out to get him because he “knows stuff.”

But his paranoia has taken a new turn suggesting he’s read too many Ian Fleming novels. He’s suddenly taken to cloak-and-dagger fantasy.

Earlier this week he sent a “secret agent” (who apparently works under cover as the producer on his radio show) to “infiltrate” (also known as not introducing yourself) the “61st Minute” event at the Marriott. And last night agent double-o-moonbat also apparently “infiltrated” Keegan’s. Since the place is open to the public and was quite a bustling place yesterday, I had assumed the non-bloggers there were something we call "customers." Now I know better. They were all spies. Welcome to a little slice of Coleman's paranoia.

This is not normal behavior. Walking into public establishments observing things and reporting about what you saw is usually done under the name “reporting,” even if it’s half-assed and crappy reporting a la Nick Coleman. But no. In Nick’s advanced delusional state, he’s a spymaster exposing the “right wing noise machine” by "infiltrating" our secret (though well-publicized) gatherings.

And it gets more paranoid and goofier still.

Local blogger and satirist Learned Foot at the Kool-Aid Report wrote “An Open Letter to Nick” today, challenging the spymaster to actually interview one of these bloggers he’s obsessed with “spying” on, and opining about.

Egotist that he is, Coleman seemingly Googled his own name, found the post, and responded... by noting that Learned Foot apparently made some reference to having a nuke, which Coleman took as a personal threat. Apparantly they don't teach "metaphor" at J-school.

But in any case, Learned Foot removed the scary metaphor, leaving the rest of us baffled about whether in Nick's advanced state of paranoia he truly believes bloggers build real nukes in the hopes of assassinating columnists.

Fitting in with his current delusional world of cloak-and-dagger, one is forced to assume Nick is pondering a way to use his spies to "out" bloggers for importing uranium from Nigeria to build their anti-columnist bombs (possibly framing an innocent Saddam Hussein for it to boot), perhaps at the instruction of his nemesis - the evil spymaster Karl Rove.

2 Comments:

Blogger Nicko McDave said...

That fruitcake is obviously hurting for material if he has to descend to this level to come up with something to talk about on his show. And vanity Googling? Welcome to the big waste of time, Nick.

Isn't there something else going on in the world or in your town other than meetings of people who criticise your golden typewriter?

9:30 PM  
Blogger See-Dubya said...

So when the Senate is talking about the "nuclear opiton", they really mean...

OH MY GOD NOOOO!!!

2:57 PM  

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