Wednesday, December 29, 2004

The Seven Deadly Sins of Nick Coleman

Reading the latest shoddily researched angry screed from Nick Coleman today, I noticed something intriguing. The man actually managed to display all seven of the Seven Deadly Sins in a single column.

Obviously, envy shows up in spades. The man is positively seething with jealousy that Powerline just received more national journalistic recognition than himself.

The end of the year is a time to bury the hatchet, so congratulations to Powerline, the Twin Cities blog that last week was named Time magazine's "Blog of the Year!"

Now let me get a new hatchet.

But he's got a lot of pride also. Misplaced pride, to be sure. But he takes tremendous pride that he is a "professional," and therefore indefinably loftier than mere bloggers. The man is so full of his own journalistic importance, he even goes so far as to suggest that it was his journalism that elected former governor Governor Arne Carlson:

A story: In 1990, I reported that this newspaper's endorsement of DFL Gov. Rudy Perpich was decided by then-publisher and Perpich crony Roger Parkinson. He had quashed the decision of the newspaper's editorial board, which had voted in favor of the Republican challenger, Arne Carlson.

The truth got out, the Republican won and the public was served.

Anger? Woah nelly yes! The man is so full of anger, he lets items fly like this one:

Time magazine's "Blog of the Year" is not run by Boy Scouts. It is the spear of a campaign aimed at making Minnesota into a state most of us won't recognize. Unless you came from Alabama with a keyboard on your knee.

Lust? Perhaps a bit more of a stretch, though he does provide evidence that he thinks about other men's penis sizes (we can only speculate why this concerns him):

The lads behind Powerline are a bank vice president named Scott Johnson and a lawyer named John Hinderaker. If you read Powerline, you know them better by their fantasy names, Big Trunk (that's Johnson) and Hind Rocket (Hinderaker). I will leave it to the appropriate professionals to determine what they are compensating for...
And greed? Nick has exemplified this one for years, and offers up this nice tidbit today:

I keep wishing the Ivy League boys had told me I was rich before I took my first job cleaning bathrooms in a factory at night, or my next job driving a school bus, or my first newspaper job at the old Tribune for $147 a week.
Sloth? Again, very much on display in today's column. For example he states:

But does Powerline or its mighty righty allies take money from political parties, campaigns or well-heeled benefactors who hope to affect Minnesota's politics from behind the scenes? We don't know, and they don't have to say.

But Nick was simply too lazy to find out this answer. As John Hinderaker responded today: "But, Nick, you didn't ask. If you really thought this was a burning question that needed to be investigated, why didn't you pick up the phone and call one of us? We'd have been happy to fill you in."

Finally we come to gluttony. How does Nick display this particular vice?

Looks a bit pudgy around the jowls to me.

That's seven deadly sins, all in a single column. An impressive record for anyone. But all in a days work for the jealous, proud, angry, lustful, greedy, lazy, gluttonous Nick Coleman.


Blogger Gary Matthew Miller said...

You forgot eczema.

1:54 PM  
Blogger Swiftee said...

Is being the town fool a deadly sin?

In Nickies case it surely seems like an addictive vice he's picked up!

10:25 PM  

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